About a week ago I found myself in a very dark space. I woke up feeling out of sorts and kinda funky. Yes I still have those kind of days (but they are few and far between)!
I did my morning Sadhana practice as always and had a cold shower but nothing seemed to shake it!
I had a friend contact me, to say that she could really relate to the words, that I had shared on my Instagram feed about this. But, she was also curious how and why I may still have days like these when I have such a loving and caring husband. That’s where this post has come from today. A prompt for me to share my truth.
From the outside, other people’s lives always appear to be perfect to us don’t they? Maybe its how we perceive things but maybe it’s also what we’re seeing everyday on social media!
Yes she is absolutely right in saying that I have a very caring and loving husband.
But, nobody else can take my suffering away. No husband, romantic partner, close friend or nothing outside of myself for that matter can fill an emptiness, loneliness or darkness that I may be feeling inside. Yes they may console me, but at the end of the day I have to dig deep inside and I’ve to come face to face with the darkness.
This is an inner job. Nobody else can do it for me!
You may find the love of your life, but there’s no guarantee that you’ll no longer feel the loneliness or darkness. No soul can rescue you from your loneliness. The only person that can rescue you is YOU.
I’ve come to learn that I now feel deep inner loneliness when I am disconnected from God. When I mention God here, its whatever makes sense for you lovely. It could be the organising principles of the Universe, Spirit, Higher Self, Angels, Buddha etc.
A course in miracles saids (Lesson 41):
Today’s idea will eventually overcome completely the sense of loneliness and abandonment all the separated ones experience. Depression is an inevitable consequence of separation. So are anxiety, worry, a deep sense of helplessness, misery, suffering and intense fear of loss. . . You can indeed afford to laugh at fear thoughts, remembering that God goes with you wherever you go.
So when deep inner lonliness arrises for me (and there’s been lots of it lately with all the change in my life) I repeat this affirmation “God goes with me wherever I go.”
I also give myself full permission to feel all the feelings and sometimes I need to have a good cry. Discovering Kundalini Yoga has been the most profound experience of my life and it allows me to feel everything that’s there. This wasn’t always the case for me. I suppressed most of my emotions for a very long time. You can read my story HERE.
We transform an emotion by allowing ourselves fully to feel whatever is there. When we dig a little deeper sometimes it’s old grief, deep sadness, shame and maybe even some anger. I’ve had a lot of these emotions arise for me in the past couple of weeks and I also know I’m not alone here with speaking to my clients and students. There’s an awakening happening right now on our planet and you are part of this awakening. Maybe it started with a thirst and desire to live on purpose and to awaken to your truth. With change brings so much unfurling of all the things that no longer serve us; fears, limiting beliefs, negative self-talk, playing small, perfectionism to name a few.
We need to start with us first and as we heal ourselves this affects the collective in a very positive way.
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Be the change you wish to see in the world.
Have you been looking to somebody else to rescue you? Have you been giving yourself permission to really feel the loneliness and darkness when it arises? Find the courage to shine some light on it and share with me below in the comments.
The light and darkness within me honours the light and darkness within you.
Sending you oceans of love.
P.S. If you found this post valuable, please feel free to share it.
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