I feel like I’ve reached that point in my blog where I’m ready to start sharing snippets of my personal life hoping that I can inspire, encourage and help others to heal. I’ll admit putting myself out there like this isn’t easy, but this is one topic that’s very dear to my heart I’ve wanted to share with you for a long time. The topic I want to talk about today is “depression”. I’m going to start (very nervously, I’m practically shaking writing this) by saying that I suffer with depression (from time to time), my secret is out! Wow, does that feel so good to get it off my chest! I’ve been holding off writing about this one for some time – FEAR kept showing its ugly face! Fear of what people would think of me as a teacher, coach, healer + blogger. Well, I’ve decided to not hold back anymore. My blog is all about tales from the heart and its about time I started talking from every space of my heart!
I’m going to start by saying that I’ve truly felt the dark times many times, searching for the light endlessly afraid in hope of it’s return. I’ve felt extremely lonely, lost, deeply sad with endless tears, confused, despaired, overwhelmed and perhaps even a little crazy! I’m sure many of us have been there and felt this or currently do. My post today is sharing from my heart to yours, its for all of us who may be suffering right now or may have suffered in the past.
My first experience of depression was at the age of 19, at that time I was put on medication to control it. I didn’t know any better and just wanted the pain and darkness to go away. I stayed on the medication for about 9 months and then decided to battle it alone. It just didn’t feel right and I felt I was suppressing the depression even more! This was about the same time when I found yoga or yoga found me should I say. I will never forget my very first class and how it left me feeling. During that time, I attended courses here and there nothing too serious! As I’ve wrote before, I didn’t really go deep into my yoga journey until arriving in Sydney (almost 8 years ago). I do truly believe everything happens for a reason and perhaps I just wasn’t ready at the time to commit to it. These are your early 20’s I’m talking about and your more concerned about partying and having a good time (well I know I was!).
I’m certainly not writing this post for sympathy, I’m writing it to share my battles (more of recent) with this disease that so many of us suffer with today world wide. I’m hoping that if you can relate to this that it will be able to help you in some small way. That’s always my primary aim of writing, to be able to help, encourage and inspire others to heal.
So why today?
I decided to write about it today because this week has been one of those dark weeks, where I sunk into a little cave for a while. I found it extra challenging to pull myself out this time (I’m normally pretty good). I was completely out of sorts; in a very negative head space, self-destructive behavior and found it hard to get out of bed. I lay there for hours on this one morning feeling so blue and stuck.
Its the words of my wonderful husband that woke me up “Corona get up and do your gratitude practice, count yourself lucky that you have the freedom of you’re own business and that your not tied behind a desk from 9am-5pm”.
I got up and jumped in the shower which always helps to get me out of the funk. Afterwards, I sat in meditation for a while and connected to my heart space and asked my guides and angels what I needed to do. They prompted what I did next.
I put some nice clothes on, grabbed the dog and took a walk to Bronte park. I immediately slipped off my shoes and got barefoot in the grass for some earthing and grounding. I looked out to the ocean which always takes me to a place of gratitude.
As I sat there still feeling a little sorry for myself, two young children came over to play with my puppy. I relish and love any opportunity to talk and play with young kids. I could feel myself slowly starting to emerge from the darkness, my mood was certainly starting to shift. Next their mum came over (they were a lovely Dutch family) and we started to chat.
Where am I going with this story?
Hang on and I’ll tell you! She went on to speak how they were very sad to be moving back home (Amsterdam) next week. She has just split from her husband (as she put it, he had split from her)and she had no choice but to move back for financial reasons. There in that very moment; I realised just how lucky I was to be able to live in a country I loved that allows me to spend so much time in nature (which my soul needs and loves), to have a loving husband who believes and supports me in everything that I do, to be able to eat a wholefoods diet of local, fresh and organic produce, to have a job I adore with my heart and soul which enables me to meet and make an impact to the lives of amazing students/clients and to have so much freedom.
You know what, we have choices in every single moment, it’s whether we listen to them or not? I realized I was depressed and feeling out of sorts because I’d just come out of an intense couple of weeks (big life changing events such as a wedding, a move, teacher training + feeling homesick after my return to Sydney). I literally had not stopped, I hadn’t given myself a break. It was go, go, go which has somehow become the norm in our busy lives! I had started BSchool (business school) while I was at home for the wedding and I was completely overwhelmed upon my return to Sydney, I was so frigging behind! I’d also fallen out of my daily routine a little due to the move etc. I need routine, in fact I crave routine. Being a Vata/Pitta dosha this is what my body needs otherwise I fall apart which seemed to happen here! There were my answers laid right in front of my eyes!
I get these dark days every so often, what I’ve come to realize is this. I feel overwhelm, fear, anxiety and depression when I’m not grateful. I certainly wasn’t in a grateful space above until I met that lovely family (which I believed the universe organised for me as a wake-up call). What I’ve learned from this is, that I need to remind myself to take a step back and see all the things I can be grateful for in the moment (gosh this can be so hard to do when in that space but so worth it).
It got me thinking lately, perhaps this is part of my life journey! Maybe its even part of my learning and what I even need to learn to teach to others? So I’ve decided to come to a place of acceptance, when and if this happens to happen again (which it will) that I need to remind myself “ok depression/anxiety here you are again, what are you teaching me about myself now. What do I need to know and learn?”
What helps to pull me out from the darkness into the light?
- Start with Gratitude.
- Journaling the funk out of my head onto paper (simple but very effective).
- Jumping in the shower (or the ocean) – water is so healing.
- Getting out in nature – walking barefoot (grounding + earthing).
- A walk by the ocean
- Opportunity to play with kids/puppy.
- Opportunity to talk to a stranger.
- Check in – what do I need right now? What’s out of balance in my life currently?
- Up the green juice. Buy a juicer, it will be your BEST investment for your health ever!
- Up the greens.
- Yoga – I’ll share some of my favourite yoga poses in a blog post soon which really help.
- Routine, routine, routine baby!
- Chanting – Mahamrityunjaya mantra for healing, Gayatri Mantra to acquire wisdom + the Durga Mantra to eradicate disturbances, distractions and distresses of life.
- Lying on my bed with my rose quartz, amethyst and lithium quartz crystals.
- Asking my guides and angels for support.
- EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) also know as tapping which I’m going to blog about soon. I’ve recently started to experiment with this and its working wonders.
- Talking about it with my husband.
- Talking it out with one of my amazing mentor’s Maite Butron.
- Going for a kinesiology session. This always assists with clearing.
- Reiki which has a remarkable power of healing. It balances all the chakras and takes out all the negative energies. I’m really excited about being able to heal myself and others with this powerful method of healing soon.
Natural remedies for depression:
Here are some of my favourite tried and tested.
- Sunlight (really important) – if you live in a country that doesn’t get much sun, ensure you get your Vitamin D levels checked as you may need to supplement.
- Greens – I can’t emphasise the importance of this one enough. Up the greens and just notice the shifts in your mood. Start juicing!
- Camu Camu – comes from a tropical rain-forest plant which contains very high amounts of Vitamin C. The most interesting property of camu, to my mind, is its effectiveness as a natural, drug-free, non-toxic anti-depressant. Some people also use it to increase energy and maintain healthy gums, eyes, and skin; and as an antioxidant and immune system stimulant.
- Ashwaganda – is an Indian plant used in Ayurvedic medicine which is known for treating anxiety and depression. It’s also known to help fight diseases such as alzeimers and parkinsons. It combats the effects of stress, improves learning and memory, stabilizes blood sugars and lowers cholesterol.
Know that there is help out there, we live in a society where we are led to believe that it’s abnormal to have depression. Remember that depression is truly not “our fault”. Most of the time it can be a chemical imbalance. You are not alone and your depression is not a hopeless case. Even though sometimes it can and will feel like your depression will never lift, it eventually will—and with proper treatment.
As always, be sure to consult your chosen physician before applying any new treatment regimens.
I hope this post has been helpful today, as always share with anyone that you feel needs to read this right now.
So much Love, Light, Healing, Happiness + Blessings to you,
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