If you’ve never been shown your real reflection, how are you supposed to know what you really look like?
Have you been spending nearly your whole life in negative reflection? The negative reflection is that part of ourselves that tells us “you’re not good enough”. It’s kinda like a school-yard bully, but instead it’s the bully within you, inside of your head.
The negative reflection attacks our authentic and true self by constantly putting ourselves down. It knows what parts of us are weakest and it attacks those weak parts of us every time.
I’ll give you an example of how this has played out for me in my life.
In the past I use to feel so guilty about doing anything for myself. I ended up staying in a career (banking) for a very long time as I was trying to prove to others that I could make it, that I was intelligent and that I had it in me to work in a corporate stressful environment.
Wanting to leave my career and job at the time made me feel incredibly selfish and guilty. I didn’t think I was entitled to find something I was truly passionate about. I thought that those feelings of guilt and selfishness at the time meant that ‘I was a bad person’. As a result, it stopped me from doing the things I wanted to for a very long time.
As I began to do the inner work I started to understand that depriving myself most certainly didn’t help others. This deprivation was actually HURTING those around me because at the end of the day the people who love us want the best for us and want to see us happy. Also when we give and provide to ourselves this gives us energy to give others.
It wasn’t easy to comprehend in the beginning. It was after a lot of soul searching that I gradually came to understand that wanting to do things for myself in no way made me a bad person. If anything it made me a better person. My self-confidence started to increase and eventually I followed the whispers of my heart and soul to take that leap of faith and resign from my corporate job.
Every client I have coached has their own special blend of self-defeating inner critic. Here’s what some of those daily messages can appear like:
- Why are you so stupid?
- Can’t you do anything right?
- You’re so overweight, how could anybody ever love you?
- People are only nice to you when you’re there, the minute you turn your back they talk about you.
- Why does everyone always leave you?
- You should be nice to everyone or else they won’t like you.
- Why can’t you be as smart and pretty as ____?
- You look awful in that outfit.
- Since you didn’t make your parents happy, you don’t deserve to be happy, either.
- If you want something for yourself you’re selfish.
So the point of my story and post today is that our negative reflection is just that – it’s a reflection of our self that’s untrue and inauthentic.
If you were brought up and raised in an environment where your faults were constantly brought up, where you weren’t appreciated and accepted for who you truly are, then it might be very difficult for you to know or believe it now.
I want you to know something though. Who you are really is good enough. You are enough. Stop hiding from the truth. Remove the masks and allow your authentic self to shine through.
So, ask yourself these questions –
Am I giving myself permission to do what I love?
What am I depriving myself of?
What truth have I been hiding from?
Share with me in the comments, how has your negative reflection played out for you so far in your life?
Love and Light,
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